You are not alone–Bloggers unite!

While we were struggling to become pregnant I was not overly open about our struggles. I was embarrassed, I was ashamed and I was alone. Everyone around me appeared so fertile. All my friends were pregnant, or had babies and I was the odd one who couldn’t do it.

I went to an infertility prayer night at my church (despite my fears) and found 20+ women there who were young, cool and also aching for a baby. There were people at all stages of the journey there and others who just had a heart for us. We were able to share our story and be prayed over, which was an incredible feeling. After that I began to see that light.

I was not alone. I still felt isolated, but at least I felt like there were other people out there who weren’t monsters who struggled to get pregnant. It was then a slow uphill battle as each month passed with my womb empty and pregnancy announcements filled my news feed. I again began to feel like I was alone. I stopped using Facebook because every time I looked at it, I sunk deeper into my hole.

Then in January 2014 I decided to start a blog partially to express myself, but, to be honest, mostly to connect with other people who are in the same boat and have the same feelings I was having. It was AMAZING. I immediately starting following lots of blogs and hoping someone would comment on something I wrote so we could become “friends”. I was so excited when I got to 10 followers and then every time someone new followed me or posted a comment I did a little dance in my head. I found comfort in words others wrote, and others found comfort in knowing they weren’t alone in all the crazy feelings they had. I wasn’t ready to talk about it with people I knew, but it was great to talk about it with people I didn’t know!

Then I was lucky enough to become pregnant with an IUI. For some reason once I became I pregnant I felt like it was ok to talk about it with people I actually knew. I don’t know why I kept quiet publicly why were struggling. I think I wanted to keep it a secret in the hopes that when we did get pregnant it would be a surprise, and not expected by everyone. I know part of it was not wanting everyone to “check in” on me each month. Since opening up I have found many others in my life who struggle as well. There may be more, but they may not be ready to talk to me about it yet.

So I want everyone out there reading this, weather a regular follower or someone who just fell across this blog: You are not alone. Reach out to bloggers wether you have a blog yourself or not. Comment, like and email them. I know it’s scary the first time you do it, but trust me, you will not regret it.

What the What?

Well, my life has been pretty cray cray lately. I was offered the job I applied for back in June and I start next Monday. I wasn’t offered until last Thursday so that is a pretty quick turn around to get all the paperwork and background stuff done that is required when working for a large hospital system. If any of you work in healthcare (or probably any other career other than cat-sitting), you know what I mean. So my blogging, will likely become a little more sporadic, but I really hope to keep posting once a week.

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And to top that all off I was notified last week that my blog was nominated  for the 2014 Hope Award for Best Blog.

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What?? I just submitted my entry for the NIAW: Resolve to know more to join the club and try to get a few more friends to share my journey with via the website. That has always been my goal of this blog from the get-go: to connect with others to make this isolating situation less isolating. Each time someone “follows” my blog or “likes” a post I seriously feel a personal connection to you.  It tells me “hey, you either get what I’m feeling, or want to go on this journey with me”, which is wonderful!

The only thing I can say is how amazing God is and how He has blessed me immensely this month. After having so many things go wrong, some things are starting to go right. I am so honored that people read my blog and thought it was something other people struggling with fertility issues or who have a heart for that should read. Wow.

So if you like my blog, feel free to vote and follow me, and if you like someone else’s better once you get there, vote for them and start following them too.  You’ll get to make a new “friend”, because isn’t that really why we blog about our journeys in the first place?

Blessings,

Tally

Resolve to Know More

So I’m guessing a lot of people’s readers will be full of blogs with this title, but I thought, hey, why not join in the fun?  It’s National Infertility Awareness Week and I thought I would capture the theme of this year by writing a letter to myself before we started this messed-up journey with all the things I wish I knew then.

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Dear Tally,

I know you are so excited that you and Will have decided to have a baby, but let me tell you, it’s not as easy as the world makes it out to be. I know since a lot of your friends have recently told you they got pregnant on the first month, you thought it would happen right away, but that’s not what God has planned for you.

Your life has been easy up until now, you’ve not suffered much, and you’ve accomplished everything you’ve tried by working hard and having a little luck. Well my dear, God has chosen you to be the 1 in 8 couples that struggle to get pregnant, so get ready to have your world rocked.

Don’t start planning how you’re going to decorate a nursery and pinning maternity clothes on Pinterest. Don’t stop buying new clothes because you think you’ll be too big to wear them soon, or keep clothes in your closet that clearly don’t fit or that you don’t like because they’d be good to hide anything when you first start to show. Wear what makes you look good now, because you won’t always feel good.

Jealousy is going to be a big part of your life for the next 18 months. You need to get a grip on it now and maintain that tight grip. Pray and meditate on the fact that God has a plan for you and nothing you do or don’t do will make it change. It will be hard for you to see so many friends announce pregnancies and have babies while you continue to wait. Some of your best friends will get pregnant easily and you will be happy for them, and smile, but when you get to your car, you will sob, and that’s ok.

Just get off Facebook now. It’s a waste of time and you’ll feel a lot better when you aren’t constantly being reminded of what other people have that you don’t. You won’t miss it.

You should make an appointment with your doctor when you feel like things aren’t right. I know they say you should wait one year, but you will know something is wrong with your cycles and hormones, so don’t be afraid to step out and speak up. Others may try to tell you to relax and not worry, but you know your body well and you know in your gut something isn’t right. And when you meet with the doctor, write down your questions and make sure you ask them. When you are in the room you will be very nervous and end up being a passive participant in your first few appointments because you are intimidated by the process and your lack of knowledge. Speak up when you don’t understand something your doctor says.

Oh and that acne that you got when you were in college and went off the pill for a few months, that was child’s play compared to what you are going to get. Be prepared for it to last for a while and start your preventative scar treatments now. Use your Traumeel cream and a gentle face cleanser, that’s it. No harsh chemicals and expensive products are going to work, so don’t waste your time, money and sensitive skin on them. You’re going to feel ugly and unfeminine. Just know that your husband loves you for you, not for your appearance and don’t call yourself ugly in front of him–he will get angry. Wear makeup even when you don’t feel like it, trust me, you just feel better and more like yourself when you do.

You are going to be so nervous to go to your first pray for babies night at church, but after 6 months of actively trying you will already feel sad, lonely, and frustrated, so it’s worth it to start connecting to people now. Be brave and own your story. Yes, some others have been trying for a lot longer, and you feel stupid for feeling how you do after only 6 months when they’ve been trying for 5 years, but I bet they wish they started going to those groups earlier.

When you start to tell people about your story, you’ll find out there are so many more out there just like you. You are not the only one who cries during diaper commercials or gets excited when you have egg white-like stuff coming out of your hooha. You’ll be afraid to tell people you know, some will have an amazing reaction you didn’t expect (like Will’s brother) and others will disappoint you with their reactions. You’ll start blogging and find there is a great community of support and understanding from people all over the world going down the same path. You won’t be ready to tell everyone you know or broadcast it on social media, and that’s ok. You will someday.

This is going to be hard on Will too, but it will manifest in a different way. You might get frustrated with him sometimes, but be kind to him. He is a gentle soul and that’s why you picked him to be your life partner and father to your future children.

Most of all Tally, I want you to remember that you are loved and cherished by God. He has not forsaken you and He will make you a mother. It may be different from how you imagined it, but it will be amazing. Your story is not finished yet. I can’t tell you how long you’ll have to wait to be called “mommy” but I know when you hear those words for the first time, you will look back at all the money and time spent on this journey and be thankful.

Love,

me

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