Harriet Mira Smith arrived 2 weeks early on Feb 25 at 6lbs 5 oz! We were not exactly ready for her, but are so happy she is here and healthy. More to come when I’ve slept for more than 3 hours…


I ain’t tellin

I’m 15 weeks now, and we’ve told our immediate families and some close friends about our bouncing baby on the way, but I’m still hesitant to “tell the world”. I’m not hiding my bump, but I’m not exaggerating it or pointing it out. Most people probably just think I ate a big meal, or have put on a few since eating American food again. I have a few reasons why I am continuing to not tell people I’m pregnant.

1) I want to have the 20 week ultrasound to know things are growing as they should and as far as can be predicted, we have a healthy baby. I know you can never know, but I just want to make sure chances are in our favor before telling people.  I still fear miscarriage and don’t want to have to “un-tell” people.

2) I like having something special that only a few people know. This one is a bit selfish, but after having so many people involved in the process of making a baby, it is nice to have a secret. Hubby and I have fun talking about it at home, and in private, and I just don’t want it to be everyone else’s as well. I want it to be just our little gift.

3) Maybe the most prominent reason is this: I don’t want to join the pregnant/mommy community. Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful for this babe and can’t wait to be a mommy. I just don’t want to get sucked in by culture and others into having nothing but “mommy” conversations, bump pictures, and people giving me advice. We take a weekly picture and send it to family who lives far away, but I don’t feel the need to share it with everyone else. I don’t want to talk about your kid’s soccer skills and how he is going to play in college (he is 5) and what my future kids will play. If you know me personally, you know I HATE it when people tell me their opinion if it’s not asked for, and even sometimes if it is asked for. Don’t tell me about your C-section because of your petite frame and that I’ll probably have to have one too, don’t taunt me saying “just wait until you’re 30+ weeks, then you’ll know discomfort”, don’t tell me once I have the baby, my social life will be over. I want to make this journey my own and don’t want to influence of society. I know it has to happen eventually because soon it will be obvious what’s cooking [literally], but I just want to post-pone it as long as I can until the holiday season, then people will be too involved in their own lives to put their noses in mine 🙂

So, I’m going to try to make it 5 more weeks before letting everyone in our lives know. I still am kind of against a FB announcement, but also want to find a way to let friends/acquaintances know I am someone who knows the pain of waiting for a baby and that if they don’t have a community (or just one person) who they can go to with questions, venting or hope, they can talk to me. Having a community of like-situationed people has been my saving grace and it makes me sad that there are probably people out there, people I know, who are struggling alone and miserable because they think everyone else can get pregnant and they can’t.  So jury is still out on the FB thing.

In the meantime, back to the grind of work, eat, sleep, and snuggling with our kitty.

photo 1



I’m back!

We are finally back in the US and all moved into our house. I am learning that everything takes longer than I want, not just a baby. Garbage, internet, health insurance…all taking much longer than I wanted to get going. The wheels are all in motion though.

I thought maybe we’d be the couple everyones tells us about where they tried for 18 months, then went on a 2 week vacation and bam! they got pregnant. Well, we are not that couple.

Last night while I was in the tub (where I will be most evenings—we didn’t have a tub in NZ, so I haven’t had a bath in ages!), I started crying. Hubby came in and said he still had hope for us. I had to ask him “Can you have enough hope for both of us, because I’m out of hope right now”. His answer- “Yes”. that just made my heart swell. I know I picked him for a reason. I can count on him to be my earthly partner in crime when I struggle to connect with my ultimate partner in heaven.

We have our appointment with our new RE on Monday so I am hoping he is nice, caring and confident in our chances. I’ll let you guys know how it goes if we ever get our internet!! I’m going to gain 10 lbs if I have to keep coming to Panera to use their internet.

Hopefully I can get back into my blogging swing once our internet is up and running!