It’s a….


I know I’ve been very delinquent on posting, I’ve really been aiming to post every week or 2, but now its been 3, almost 4 and that’s in poor form! I think I need to get over this mental block where I think unless I have 30 min or more to sit and reflect and write, I shouldn’t write at all. So now as I’m sitting drinking my tea before bed I thought, hey! I should write tonight!

For those of you regulars who have been following along, we finally got to find out that our little baby is a girl! If we were having a boy I would have been just as happy, but now that we know it’s a girl, I can say I secretly wanted a girl 🙂 We thought we had a girl’s name picked out, but once it got real, we backpedaled and are now back to a top three. We think we might just go into D-day with the list and see what she fits best.

photo 1

Watching the baby on the screen (didn’t know hubby was taking these!)

photo 2

The first pictures we’ll keep of our baby (we are totally bad parents and lost our first ultrasound pics…)

photo 3

Didn’t buy this, just took a picture cuz it was so cute!


Just after finding out about our little lady, we went to Chicago for the rugby match between New Zealand’s All Blacks and the USA team. We got to meet up with some friends from Auckland and it was so great to see them again and surprise them with my growing belly! No one expected the Americans to win, but it was just sad they couldn’t even score one try. We were the few kiwi fans in our area but were not shy to jump and cheer for every try they got (and there were a lot, score: 74-6). By the way if you didn’t know: Soldier Field is freaking cold!!!

photo 4

The past 2 weeks have been busy busy (work, church, visitors, and I finally started swimming at the rec center) but I’m happy to say that in January I will start working only .6 (3 days per week), which I am so excited about. I have been pretty stressed between being a speech therapist, wife, Christian and mom (and not to mention a person with my own needs), not feeling like I was fully present in any role. So reducing my hours for the final 10 weeks of my pregnancy will give me time to connect with the hubby, and the baby, relax, pray/study and get the house ready (major basement construction happening in December) for March.

How am I planning to connect with my baby? Well that has been something else going on in our busy month–we’ve just started our Hypnobirthing classes and will be practicing deep relaxation and meditation  to ready myself for a gentle, calm birth. To do this, you need to practice breathing techniques every day before you give birth! If you’ve never heard of hypnobirthing before, or are curious what a hypnobirth is like, here is a link to a video (just found it on Youtube so not endorsed or anything!). So I’ll want some extra time to practice my breathing and relaxation techniques as D-day comes closer.

The highlights right now are being almost 24 weeks and feeling a lot better, getting the baby shower planned for January (not Minnesota’s finest time of year, but with the holidays and arrival month, we have no choice!) and next week we will go register for some items for the shower. We are trying to stick to basics and not go overboard as my husband and I both believe in a minimalist lifestyle.

Have a blessed week and hopefully it won’t be another 4 weeks before I’m back 🙂



The other IVF

Isn’t it funny when you notice that you have something on your brain and then you notice things related to it every where?

As you know I’ve recently started my new job and its my first time being in the hospital since starting fertility treatments. Today I was reading someone’s chart and it mentioned IVF all over the chart. Of course to me IVF is in vitro fertilization, but that might not be the case for others. I’m thinking this is weird, since its the chart of a 45 year old man. Then I realized, oh wait, Its not that IVF. Intravenous fluids. Duh.


Also, I’m analyzing every new person I meet at the hospital. Oh, you’re married and 35 with no kids? Are you infertile? I can’t help but wish we had a secret handshake to see if someone else is in our elite group 🙂

Sometimes I think fertility issues are all I think about! I’m going to make it my mission to try to think about other things like helping people, getting to know the people I work with and spreading the love of Jesus.

Have you ever taken a reality check and realized something is dominating your thoughts? What did you do to shake them?

What the What?

Well, my life has been pretty cray cray lately. I was offered the job I applied for back in June and I start next Monday. I wasn’t offered until last Thursday so that is a pretty quick turn around to get all the paperwork and background stuff done that is required when working for a large hospital system. If any of you work in healthcare (or probably any other career other than cat-sitting), you know what I mean. So my blogging, will likely become a little more sporadic, but I really hope to keep posting once a week.



And to top that all off I was notified last week that my blog was nominated  for the 2014 Hope Award for Best Blog.


What?? I just submitted my entry for the NIAW: Resolve to know more to join the club and try to get a few more friends to share my journey with via the website. That has always been my goal of this blog from the get-go: to connect with others to make this isolating situation less isolating. Each time someone “follows” my blog or “likes” a post I seriously feel a personal connection to you.  It tells me “hey, you either get what I’m feeling, or want to go on this journey with me”, which is wonderful!

The only thing I can say is how amazing God is and how He has blessed me immensely this month. After having so many things go wrong, some things are starting to go right. I am so honored that people read my blog and thought it was something other people struggling with fertility issues or who have a heart for that should read. Wow.

So if you like my blog, feel free to vote and follow me, and if you like someone else’s better once you get there, vote for them and start following them too.  You’ll get to make a new “friend”, because isn’t that really why we blog about our journeys in the first place?



Back to work it is!

So, today I applied for 2 full-time positions! Woohoo! One is at a hospital (30-45 min commute) and the other at a transitional care facility (15-20 min commute). I decided that God gave me these 2 job openings just when I was looking for a reason. I had some clarity yesterday that I should just apply for both and let God show me what job I should be in. Maybe I’ll get offered both, maybe neither, but I’m going to try for it and see what happens.

I’m still a bit nervous for how to explain my lack of employment for the past 12 months. I feel like saying “I stopped working so I could attend all my acupuncture appointments, exercise daily, eat nutritiously and lower my stress so I could get pregnant” is not the appropriate answer. I’m guessing if I’m asked that, I’ll say something along the lines of “personal reasons” and timing of our inevitable move back home.

I am super excited to see what the future holds, and am super confident that God will make it all turn out how it supposed to, so I might as well enjoy the ride. I’ve let go of some control this month (didn’t track temps/days) and am just feeling more ok with the fact that my life will turn out just how it is supposed to.

So I’ll let you know how the application process goes and hopefully I’ll have a BFP and a BFC (big fat contract) in the next few months 🙂



Stay-at-Home vs Working Infertile

So we’ve all heard the term “working mom” and how hard it can be to balance working with needs of your children (home sick, day care, doctors appts, after school events), and it has caused a lot of debate in the US, but how to does the working trying-to-become-mom balance her life?


Last year I hated my job (even though it was easy) because my employers were not good people to work for. Since we started TTC, I thought I could just put up with it until I got pregnant, then would only have to stay with them for 8-9 more months, then could take maternity leave and not go back. Well as you all know, that plan didn’t suss out. I didn’t want to look for a new job because I would feel bad if they hired me, then I got pregnant right away (knowing I want to stay home with my babies). At one point we’d been trying for about 6 months with no avail, so I thought, hey, I’m going to apply for this great new challenging job at just go for it. If I get pregnant, great! If I don’t, I’ll be making more money to put towards treatments. Well, I got the job! So I started working at the hospital in town and loved it. It was full-time, but no over-time/late nights so I was still able to feel un-stressed. Then, my grandma got sick and ended up passing away only 3 weeks into the job and I made the decision I was going to come home for the funeral and stay on to spend time with my grandpa for a few weeks. If you’re going to pay $2,000 for a plane ticket, you don’t just stay a few days.

Due to several factors, I made the decision to resign from the hospital and do all the things I wanted to do. My job was going to be getting pregnant. I went to acupuncture, I made super healthy meals, I exercised daily. We went on vacations. I did everything I could to help us get pregnant. Well, that didn’t work either and then we were stuck with 4 months left in the country and me not working. Again, I didn’t feel like I could apply for new jobs knowing we had plane tickets home in 4 months, so I’ve been a stay-at-home infertile. I have been filling my time babysitting, hanging with friends, being my husband’s secretary and experimenting in the kitchen. It’s been great, but when we get home I’ll be ready to get back to work.

There's a simple way to keep your home spring-clean fresh all year through.

I’ve started to contact some people about getting a job and am excited at a few prospects, but something is holding me back. I’m worried how my upcoming treatments/appointments/side effects will interfere with my job. It’s not a big deal if you start a new job with kids and have to leave early occasionally because your kid is sick. Everyone gets it, so they are understanding. What do you tell people when you have to leave early to have your ovaries scanned to see how big your follicles are? What if I get hot flashes in a patient’s room and pass out? Do you tell your boss the truth and hope she understands (my bosses are usually women:)), or do you just keep blocking off time for “doctor’s appointments” and “personal days” and not tell anyone? Are my co-workers going to think I’m lazy if I’m taking long lunches to go to appointments? If I went back to my old job, I’d be fine telling people (my old boss already knows), but I’m scared about starting new working relationships with people.


One aspect of my job!

So I’m posing this to you all out there. How do/did you go about working during treatments? I know it’s easier if you have been working at a place for a while so they know you and your work, and can be more understanding, but have any of you changed jobs or started a new job while in the middle of this journey? I’m a very hard worker, so to me, the worst thing that can happen is for someone think I’m lazy or don’t care about my job. I also don’t want to get stressed out (which I am prone to do when really busy). Staying home isn’t an option when we get back. At this point, we need the money, so I need to work for at least a year or so to help us buy furniture, car and maybe a baby (though hopefully one of those things will come for free!)

Thanks for any advice/feedback!