While we were struggling to become pregnant I was not overly open about our struggles. I was embarrassed, I was ashamed and I was alone. Everyone around me appeared so fertile. All my friends were pregnant, or had babies and I was the odd one who couldn’t do it.
I went to an infertility prayer night at my church (despite my fears) and found 20+ women there who were young, cool and also aching for a baby. There were people at all stages of the journey there and others who just had a heart for us. We were able to share our story and be prayed over, which was an incredible feeling. After that I began to see that light.
I was not alone. I still felt isolated, but at least I felt like there were other people out there who weren’t monsters who struggled to get pregnant. It was then a slow uphill battle as each month passed with my womb empty and pregnancy announcements filled my news feed. I again began to feel like I was alone. I stopped using Facebook because every time I looked at it, I sunk deeper into my hole.
Then in January 2014 I decided to start a blog partially to express myself, but, to be honest, mostly to connect with other people who are in the same boat and have the same feelings I was having. It was AMAZING. I immediately starting following lots of blogs and hoping someone would comment on something I wrote so we could become “friends”. I was so excited when I got to 10 followers and then every time someone new followed me or posted a comment I did a little dance in my head. I found comfort in words others wrote, and others found comfort in knowing they weren’t alone in all the crazy feelings they had. I wasn’t ready to talk about it with people I knew, but it was great to talk about it with people I didn’t know!
Then I was lucky enough to become pregnant with an IUI. For some reason once I became I pregnant I felt like it was ok to talk about it with people I actually knew. I don’t know why I kept quiet publicly why were struggling. I think I wanted to keep it a secret in the hopes that when we did get pregnant it would be a surprise, and not expected by everyone. I know part of it was not wanting everyone to “check in” on me each month. Since opening up I have found many others in my life who struggle as well. There may be more, but they may not be ready to talk to me about it yet.
So I want everyone out there reading this, weather a regular follower or someone who just fell across this blog: You are not alone. Reach out to bloggers wether you have a blog yourself or not. Comment, like and email them. I know it’s scary the first time you do it, but trust me, you will not regret it.