You are not alone–Bloggers unite!

While we were struggling to become pregnant I was not overly open about our struggles. I was embarrassed, I was ashamed and I was alone. Everyone around me appeared so fertile. All my friends were pregnant, or had babies and I was the odd one who couldn’t do it.

I went to an infertility prayer night at my church (despite my fears) and found 20+ women there who were young, cool and also aching for a baby. There were people at all stages of the journey there and others who just had a heart for us. We were able to share our story and be prayed over, which was an incredible feeling. After that I began to see that light.

I was not alone. I still felt isolated, but at least I felt like there were other people out there who weren’t monsters who struggled to get pregnant. It was then a slow uphill battle as each month passed with my womb empty and pregnancy announcements filled my news feed. I again began to feel like I was alone. I stopped using Facebook because every time I looked at it, I sunk deeper into my hole.

Then in January 2014 I decided to start a blog partially to express myself, but, to be honest, mostly to connect with other people who are in the same boat and have the same feelings I was having. It was AMAZING. I immediately starting following lots of blogs and hoping someone would comment on something I wrote so we could become “friends”. I was so excited when I got to 10 followers and then every time someone new followed me or posted a comment I did a little dance in my head. I found comfort in words others wrote, and others found comfort in knowing they weren’t alone in all the crazy feelings they had. I wasn’t ready to talk about it with people I knew, but it was great to talk about it with people I didn’t know!

Then I was lucky enough to become pregnant with an IUI. For some reason once I became I pregnant I felt like it was ok to talk about it with people I actually knew. I don’t know why I kept quiet publicly why were struggling. I think I wanted to keep it a secret in the hopes that when we did get pregnant it would be a surprise, and not expected by everyone. I know part of it was not wanting everyone to “check in” on me each month. Since opening up I have found many others in my life who struggle as well. There may be more, but they may not be ready to talk to me about it yet.

So I want everyone out there reading this, weather a regular follower or someone who just fell across this blog: You are not alone. Reach out to bloggers wether you have a blog yourself or not. Comment, like and email them. I know it’s scary the first time you do it, but trust me, you will not regret it.


5 weeks

I have sat down to try to write an update so many times, but every time I open the computer with intention, baby girl cries and then my hands are full!

Harriet is 5 weeks now and doing great. The first week was rough. She lost too much weight in the hospital so we had to supplement her after every feeding with a dropper. We were feeding every 2-3 hours and a feeding took about an hour for the breast, burping and dropper so sleep was happening in 1-2 hour stretches. Feeding was so painful at first. I never thought I would bleed from my nipple…

The second week highlight was having my mom and dad come visit and Will went back to work. Mom took care of the baby and dad did some projects around the house. It was great. I just had to feed her and then hand off to grammie to do the rest.

Week 3 was my first time being completely alone with the baby all day. I was nervous at first that I would not be able to hack it and would be too tired to do anything, but luckily things went well. When you don’t have people over you really can get into a grove. I was able to stay awake most of the day, taking an afternoon nap with Harriet. We had several visitors that week stopping by to bring food or just to say hi.

Week 4 was me getting out and around more with the baby and figuring out to do things. I figured that going shopping was easiest wearing the baby as if I put the car seat in the cart, there was no room for food! We went to the mall and the chiropractor and tried to get the house in order.

During the past week we’ve been getting out for lots of walks and social visits. I try to get out of the house 4/5 week days to help the time pass and to not be too sedentary. We’re heading to my work tomorrow to introduce her to my co-workers.

I’ve been doing well too. The first 2 weeks I was pretty sore. Not gonna lie, childbirth is painful. But, you forget pretty quickly just what it felt like. I remember it was the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life, but can’t remember exactly how bad. Right afterwards I said “next time I’m getting pain meds”, but after just 1 week or so I was already back to thinking I’ll have the next one (God willing there is a next one!) naturally as well. I have no idea how much I’ve lost so far, but am still wearing stretch and maternity pants!! They are just so much more comfortable and the stretchy belly part of the pants prevents any muffin top action from regular jeans 🙂

Thats about all I can say for now as baby girl is starting to stir and when she wakes, she wakes fast and hard and if I’m not ready for it, I pay! I’ll attach some pictures quick before I wrap this up.

photo 5 photo 4 IMG_1233 IMG_1281

At some point I’ll post our birth story. Just need to get it finished first.