Why I am glad buffer my pregnancy talk with infertility talk

Ok. It’s been a while, I know. I reduced my hours to 3 days a week so now am hoping to get back to writing more. Let’s skip the guilty excuses and just move on. 🙂

I mentioned a while ago that I felt the need to clarify to everyone I told about being pregnant, that it was hard for us and that we ended up doing some fertility treatments to get there. I thought maybe I was being a bit over zealous and that people didn’t really need to know that, but now I am glad I did. Now that everyone knows (or can tell) I’ve got a baby on board, I still will mention it when people start trying to get me to complain about being pregnant (“how uncomfortable are you?”, “are you starting to have sleepless night?”).

A few weeks ago I hear a knock on my door at work and my colleague came in and asked if I had a few minutes, I said yes, and then she came in, closed the door, and started crying.  She told me about how scared she is to start doing fertility treatments and taking drugs with scary side effects. She is 36, and recently married, and had previously told me they were going to start trying and because of her age, had asked me a few basic questions about the fertility clinic I went to and what we did, etc as she was worried.

This was last summer and I didn’t really want to ask any follow up questions other than generic “how are things?” because I knew how it felt when after several months, relatives and friends would ask for “any updates” and I had nothing to give. It made me feel cruddy, like they were thinking “its been 4 months since we last talked about fertility stuff—shouldn’t you have an update by now??” If I had an update I wanted to share, I would have. And if she had good news, wanted her to be able to share it on her time, and not feel pressure.

So when she came to my office, and opened up, it made me so glad that I had put myself out there. Does she have anyone else she can talk to about this? What if I was the only person in her life who opened up about fertility? What if I hadn’t? She would be stressing by herself, feeling like she was the only person who experienced all the crazy feelings/emotions that we all know so well: jealousy, anger, fear, resentment, husband thinking you’re being irrational… to name a few

I told her the shot isn’t that bad, the HSG is no big, that I never even read the side effects page of all the medications (ignorance is bliss…) and a gave her big hug. That was it. She left and then the rest of the day, we acted like it never happened, I continue to not ask her for details and hope that someday soon I hear about an upcoming maternity leave for her.

So if any of you are wondering if you should tell people about your struggles (past or present), know that even if one person hears it who needed to hear it, it was worth it.

x Tally

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