You don’t have to explain

Well I have been home most of the week with the world’s worst cold. I can now say my cold is so bad it makes me bleed! (FYI you can bleed from your cervix from excessive coughing…) And there isn’t a whole lot out there that I can take to control symptoms and seeing as I work in hospital with direct patient care, it’s not ideal for me to be going to work until I’m better. So I’m at home, bored, and unable to breathe—that means I have more time to get caught up on some blogging!!



In the past few weeks I’ve revealed my pregnancy to a few groups of women (book club, church group, work…) and at each event there seems to be the usual shrieking of excitement that comes with a pregnancy announcement, but there also have been some women who kind of avoid eye contact, don’t really react and stay close to the edge of the conversation.

I just want you all out there who are secretly struggling to know: I get it. You don’t have to explain why you don’t react to a pregnancy announcement with shrill excitement. You don’t have to say a fake “congrats” if you just got your period. I’m sure there are many people out there, whom I encounter every day, who are silently struggling. I usually tell people that we had a hard time getting here, so are really thankful, and hope that at least gives women out there an idea that I’ve been in their shoes. I try to open the conversation door so they can know I’m an open book and can ask me anything you want, or not.

I really try to talk about our difficulty so everyone, not just the struggling ones, hear what its like and know that it is common and should’t be a secret. I feel a little more brave now that I’m “expecting” (I still hate pregnancy terms like that…) and can say to a group of moms how it was really hard, and every time people who already had kids told me how it easy it was for them, ask why we don’t have kids yet or what I should try next or say I could have one of theirs, how it made me really upset. I hope they actually listen to my words and apply the info to other women in their lives. I felt like I couldn’t say those things while I was waiting because then it seemed like more of a personal attack on those women. But now that my friends all include people I didn’t really know while we were trying, I can’t offend them because they weren’t the ones saying it to me.

So you there, sitting in the corner, avoiding eye contact. It’s ok. I won’t draw attention to you or your current circumstance. Just know I am praying for you.



2 thoughts on “You don’t have to explain

  1. What a nice post. Infertility and losing a baby has totally changed my perspective on pregnant women. I used to assume every one of them just got pregnant the second they wanted to, but now I definitely look at each one and wonder, “Was it easy for her? Has she struggled with infertility or losses?” It makes you think… Hope you feel better soon.

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