Stay-at-Home vs Working Infertile

So we’ve all heard the term “working mom” and how hard it can be to balance working with needs of your children (home sick, day care, doctors appts, after school events), and it has caused a lot of debate in the US, but how to does the working trying-to-become-mom balance her life?

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Last year I hated my job (even though it was easy) because my employers were not good people to work for. Since we started TTC, I thought I could just put up with it until I got pregnant, then would only have to stay with them for 8-9 more months, then could take maternity leave and not go back. Well as you all know, that plan didn’t suss out. I didn’t want to look for a new job because I would feel bad if they hired me, then I got pregnant right away (knowing I want to stay home with my babies). At one point we’d been trying for about 6 months with no avail, so I thought, hey, I’m going to apply for this great new challenging job at just go for it. If I get pregnant, great! If I don’t, I’ll be making more money to put towards treatments. Well, I got the job! So I started working at the hospital in town and loved it. It was full-time, but no over-time/late nights so I was still able to feel un-stressed. Then, my grandma got sick and ended up passing away only 3 weeks into the job and I made the decision I was going to come home for the funeral and stay on to spend time with my grandpa for a few weeks. If you’re going to pay $2,000 for a plane ticket, you don’t just stay a few days.

Due to several factors, I made the decision to resign from the hospital and do all the things I wanted to do. My job was going to be getting pregnant. I went to acupuncture, I made super healthy meals, I exercised daily. We went on vacations. I did everything I could to help us get pregnant. Well, that didn’t work either and then we were stuck with 4 months left in the country and me not working. Again, I didn’t feel like I could apply for new jobs knowing we had plane tickets home in 4 months, so I’ve been a stay-at-home infertile. I have been filling my time babysitting, hanging with friends, being my husband’s secretary and experimenting in the kitchen. It’s been great, but when we get home I’ll be ready to get back to work.

There's a simple way to keep your home spring-clean fresh all year through.

I’ve started to contact some people about getting a job and am excited at a few prospects, but something is holding me back. I’m worried how my upcoming treatments/appointments/side effects will interfere with my job. It’s not a big deal if you start a new job with kids and have to leave early occasionally because your kid is sick. Everyone gets it, so they are understanding. What do you tell people when you have to leave early to have your ovaries scanned to see how big your follicles are? What if I get hot flashes in a patient’s room and pass out? Do you tell your boss the truth and hope she understands (my bosses are usually women:)), or do you just keep blocking off time for “doctor’s appointments” and “personal days” and not tell anyone? Are my co-workers going to think I’m lazy if I’m taking long lunches to go to appointments? If I went back to my old job, I’d be fine telling people (my old boss already knows), but I’m scared about starting new working relationships with people.

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One aspect of my job!

So I’m posing this to you all out there. How do/did you go about working during treatments? I know it’s easier if you have been working at a place for a while so they know you and your work, and can be more understanding, but have any of you changed jobs or started a new job while in the middle of this journey? I’m a very hard worker, so to me, the worst thing that can happen is for someone think I’m lazy or don’t care about my job. I also don’t want to get stressed out (which I am prone to do when really busy). Staying home isn’t an option when we get back. At this point, we need the money, so I need to work for at least a year or so to help us buy furniture, car and maybe a baby (though hopefully one of those things will come for free!)

Thanks for any advice/feedback!

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11 thoughts on “Stay-at-Home vs Working Infertile

  1. My gut says to not even think or worry about it 🙂 Just trust God that he will handle every issue, circumstance,appointment, etc. that will come your way. He knows what you need and he will meet it. Xoxoxo

  2. I’m fairly new to my job, just a year in now, but started fertility treatments about 6 months ago. I was honest with my female boss, pretty much told her everything and she’s been very understanding. It’s made it easier for me to explain the time off I’ve needed. I’m actually to a point in my job now though that I’m seriously bored and not sure if I should stay where I am or search out something new. I understand your concerns, as I feel rather lost and overwhelmed with treatments right now. I wish I could quit and focus on getting pregnant, but those darn bills that keep appearing in our mailbox. Good luck to you, whichever route you take. It will work out in the end!

    • Thanks for this. It’s hard to make life decisions while going through this, isn’t it? You feel like everything weighs in the balance of “will I be pregnant by then?”, or “will we need that money for IVF/adoption in a years time?”. Makes me think of Destiny’s Child “Bills, bills, bills”. I remember when that song was my jam back in the day 🙂 I’m trying to just make decisions based on the info I have and then sometimes, taking a leap of faith (like quitting my job) and sometimes it doesn’t pan out…

  3. For the first year and a half (including a few months of treatments) I only would say ‘Drs appointment’ and that sufficed. As we got more into treatments and testing and I almost passed out at work after one of my IUIs in front of my boss – I had finally opened up about everything to her – now, all my coworkers know but I have yet to regret telling people our story! Starting a new job is very scary, especially with such life shaking things happening for you but you will feel when the time is right on how to handle certain situations. I agree with Elisha – pray about it and trust your heart to do what feels right. Good luck Tally and praying for you always ❤

  4. Sissy, this is exactly what sick and personal time are for. Employers can’t ask why you go to so many appointments–your time off is for your purposes. Of course, it will probably help if the boss knows a little about what’s going on–my boss often lets me take Robbie to his speech therapy without using leave because I work late or weekends sometimes, and she just lets it wash. They’ve probably had other employees in the past with similar situations–and I bet even a male boss would understand! You are SO good at what you do, so I believe you will find a great job that is flexible for your treatments–you are so awesome that they’ll give you whatever terms you demand! And NO, you don’t need to tell them upfront that you plan to quit afterwards. Even if you get a job then find out your pregnant right afterwards, you can still work and save up that money cause babies is spendy!

    I love you, can’t wait to have you back stateside. Robbie misses his Ta-Ta.

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