So we’ve all heard the term “working mom” and how hard it can be to balance working with needs of your children (home sick, day care, doctors appts, after school events), and it has caused a lot of debate in the US, but how to does the working trying-to-become-mom balance her life?
Last year I hated my job (even though it was easy) because my employers were not good people to work for. Since we started TTC, I thought I could just put up with it until I got pregnant, then would only have to stay with them for 8-9 more months, then could take maternity leave and not go back. Well as you all know, that plan didn’t suss out. I didn’t want to look for a new job because I would feel bad if they hired me, then I got pregnant right away (knowing I want to stay home with my babies). At one point we’d been trying for about 6 months with no avail, so I thought, hey, I’m going to apply for this great new challenging job at just go for it. If I get pregnant, great! If I don’t, I’ll be making more money to put towards treatments. Well, I got the job! So I started working at the hospital in town and loved it. It was full-time, but no over-time/late nights so I was still able to feel un-stressed. Then, my grandma got sick and ended up passing away only 3 weeks into the job and I made the decision I was going to come home for the funeral and stay on to spend time with my grandpa for a few weeks. If you’re going to pay $2,000 for a plane ticket, you don’t just stay a few days.
Due to several factors, I made the decision to resign from the hospital and do all the things I wanted to do. My job was going to be getting pregnant. I went to acupuncture, I made super healthy meals, I exercised daily. We went on vacations. I did everything I could to help us get pregnant. Well, that didn’t work either and then we were stuck with 4 months left in the country and me not working. Again, I didn’t feel like I could apply for new jobs knowing we had plane tickets home in 4 months, so I’ve been a stay-at-home infertile. I have been filling my time babysitting, hanging with friends, being my husband’s secretary and experimenting in the kitchen. It’s been great, but when we get home I’ll be ready to get back to work.
I’ve started to contact some people about getting a job and am excited at a few prospects, but something is holding me back. I’m worried how my upcoming treatments/appointments/side effects will interfere with my job. It’s not a big deal if you start a new job with kids and have to leave early occasionally because your kid is sick. Everyone gets it, so they are understanding. What do you tell people when you have to leave early to have your ovaries scanned to see how big your follicles are? What if I get hot flashes in a patient’s room and pass out? Do you tell your boss the truth and hope she understands (my bosses are usually women:)), or do you just keep blocking off time for “doctor’s appointments” and “personal days” and not tell anyone? Are my co-workers going to think I’m lazy if I’m taking long lunches to go to appointments? If I went back to my old job, I’d be fine telling people (my old boss already knows), but I’m scared about starting new working relationships with people.
So I’m posing this to you all out there. How do/did you go about working during treatments? I know it’s easier if you have been working at a place for a while so they know you and your work, and can be more understanding, but have any of you changed jobs or started a new job while in the middle of this journey? I’m a very hard worker, so to me, the worst thing that can happen is for someone think I’m lazy or don’t care about my job. I also don’t want to get stressed out (which I am prone to do when really busy). Staying home isn’t an option when we get back. At this point, we need the money, so I need to work for at least a year or so to help us buy furniture, car and maybe a baby (though hopefully one of those things will come for free!)
Thanks for any advice/feedback!