As I start another cycle of Clomid and am barraged with more pregnancy announcements I ask myself: how am I going to get through this? I had no idea my life would get this hard. How am I going to deal if this continues for many more months, and years? I can’t cope anymore. The pain feels like more than I can bear and we’re only 16 months into this thing.
Then I realized, you just have to cope. (Note my usage of the word “cope” = get through). There is no alternative to coping. There are good and bad ways of coping, but nothing short of dropping dead will make me not cope. No matter how bad I feel today or how I think I just can’t handle this anymore, tomorrow I will still be battling infertility. I can’t stop it.
I saw this meme on Pinterest and it just made me laugh and totally spoke to the last few days I’d been having.
I have been doing my Bible studies each day here and here and it is helping, it really is. But as the old adage says “Rome wasn’t built in a day”. I still have doubts and fears. I’m still worried about what the future holds. I still wonder: Will I ever see what my husband’s and my genes will create (I think it would be a pretty great outcome…)? I must stay strong and hold onto the belief that I will become a mother someday and even though God hasn’t promised it directly to me, he has given me the heart of a mother for a reason. Nothing is coincidence.