Disclaimer: As usual, I give no blame to people in this post. I know they did nothing but act normal. It just illustrates how crazy infertility can make you!
This weekend we had a going away party for some our very dear friends, who happen to be pregnant. Very early on in the planning stages some of the other guests were emailing everyone asking if we’re all going to go in on some baby gifts for them. I stealthily kaboshed that idea because first off, she is only 11 weeks pregnant and for sure will have a shower that I’ll send a gift for and second, they only have their suitcases to move home with and don’t have room for tons of stuff *whew*. Of course while those reasons are valid, there was a third…I didn’t want this nice going away party that I was hosting to turn into a impromptu baby shower where discussion is all about baby stuff. I don’t go to those parties, so why would I want a party I’m planning to be one!
So when people started arriving, I noticed a few people had little gift bags with them in pastel colors and from local baby boutiques–I panicked. I just left the room for a bit to do stuff in the kitchen and assumed the gifts would be presented upon arrival since this was not a formal gift giving party. The night went on and, as it does when there was a group of only women and pregnant women in a room, the conversation turned to babies. A 9 month old was present and we were all playing with him, then someone asked how my pregnant friend felt, could she believe there was one of those growing in her tummy, is she starting to show, etc. They all laughed as she commented on how she’ll think about it later, because right now she just feels like crap and no she’s not showing, she’s just getting fat. *ping in the gut*. The “pregnancy humor” is something that really makes me sad for some reason. Women referring to themselves as whales; or how they peed their pants; or joking about sex; or “you just wait until ___” ; it all makes me sad that I’m not a part of it and that in some way, again, in my crazy world, I feel patronized when they make those jokes. Kind of the same patronizing humor people who are 35 use on people who are 25 (“oh you’re too young to remember [enter childhood tv show]”) and people who are married use on people who aren’t married (“oh just wait until you get married, then you’ll never want to have sex”). I consciously don’t make jokes like that anymore because I realize how irritating it really is.
I just looked at the ground silently hoping they would stop. I diverted the conversation back to the 9 month old and then later left for a different group of guests. Hopefully I played that one off well and no one noticed.
After dinner we were all sitting around the living room and I saw a guest walk towards the going away honorees with the baby gift bags. *ping in the heart* Even though I literally was just walking back in the room from going to the bathroom, I excused myself to the bathroom again to go sit it out. Picture this (well actually don’t picture it, but imagine the overall scene): Me sitting on a toilet tearing up (not full blown crying!) as I listened to all the “awws” and “oohs” and giggles coming from the other room as they talked about “the baby”. I knew what as happening, but as long as I could be in a different room, I could hide my reactions. When I came back they were getting a game of catch phrase together, like nothing happened. People probably just thought the tacos were going through me quickly. Not sure what is worse, the truth, or people thinking I had diarrhea.
I am happy for my friend, I am. She got pregnant right away, and that is wonderful. But it doesn’t mean I am ok with all the hoopla around being pregnant and can be a part of the excitement. I’m starting to want to avoid large gatherings because we always seem to end up talking about her pregnancy. Anyone else been there?