Is Facebook out to get me?

So today is CD1 (I think. I get confused as to whether it is the first day you flow, or the first day you wake up flowing–I’ve been told both. Regardless…). Yesterday AF came to visit and it was a really hard day. Both hubby and I had good feelings about this last cycle and I was really let down. I was starting my usual mourning routines of crying, lying in bed, reading infertility blogs and convincing myself I will never get pregnant because I’m broken and my FSH is too high according to all those reliable sources on Google…

I fought with my hubby and just all around was not “the picture of grace” that I try to be most other times. Then, I went to bed, apologized and woke up feeling better. Well, as good as you can feel as your uterus painfully sheds any chance for you to be a mommy for another month.

I didn’t feel up for church (45 min of standing, then 45 min of sitting on uncomfortable chairs) because I get pretty significant joint pain in my whole pelvic girdle during this time of the month and would not make it. So we opted to listen to an online sermon this morning from The Village Church. What was it about? Abortion and the Sanctity of Life Created. Nothing wrong with that and praise God that people are talking about it. But, it included a large portion of time detailing a baby’s growing milestones and how God-filled conception is. Amen. But not really what I needed to hear right now…I know how glorious a baby in the womb is. I just can’t get there, I ache to be there. I had to leave the room and go do laundry and such to keep my mind busy.

Then as I was able to come back to listen to the end of it, I saw a new email in my inbox on my mail app. What was it you ask? This

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Facebook decided to personally email me that a girl I went to college with was having a baby, just in case I missed it. This is not a close friend. She is a very nice girl, and I’m so happy she gets to have a family, but why did Facebook think I needed to know about that? To back it up a bit and set the scene, I stopped going on Facebook about 3 months ago. It was just getting too hard when my news feed was full of baby bumps, babies, questions about babies and mom complaining about babies. I had my husband go in and change my password and set it up so if someone sent me a message or wrote on my wall, I could reply, but that was it. No browsing, no posting. Since then, Facebook has tried it’s hardest to get me back online. I get emails all the time from Facebook telling me about everything I missed (Xena’s big dinner last night and Betty’s trip to the Zoo…sorry not news to me). I usually just delete these email and don’t think twice. But really? REALLY? Facebook.You picked today to email me a pregnancy announcement. Poor form. Instead of luring me back, you pushed me almost completely out. I’m not ready to delete my account yet (#militarybrat, #movedallover, #havefriendsineverycontinentthatI’dliketohavecontactinfoforincaseoftravel!), but you’re pushing me to the edge.

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I don’t actually use twitter, but like the way hashtags look…

So, what is this all about?Is Mark Zuckerberg out to get me for not buying Facebook stock? Is it the devil taunting me, trying to get me to doubt God for putting me through this trial? Or is it a message from God that his plan is for me to have a baby, so relax and enjoy? Or is it just one of those coincidences in life where you can’t say anything but “Why the face?!?”

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7 thoughts on “Is Facebook out to get me?

  1. Maybe God was saying don’t check your Facebook account while listening to a sermon? lol! bahahaha! Totally kidding! lol! Sometimes we go through situations as a test. I used to have a hard time dealing with pregnancy announcements and I truly wanted to be happy for others but it was hard. I sought after God for this one and the next thing I knew, that’s all I heard all of the time. I cried to God asking why…and He silently whispered…”it’s a test.” I wanted to be happy for others and do what the Bible said “Rejoice when others rejoice” but I didn’t want to have to face the situations where I would need to. Overtime, through God’s strength, I noticed the announcements bothered me less. Now when I hear of a new pregnancy or see belly bump pictures I remember Romans 2:11 which says that God does not show favoritism. I rejoice in their pregnancy and I whisper to myself, “I’m next!” I’m sorry it was a bad day :/ Keep your hope in God for He never disappoints.

    • Thanks! A week ago, I could totally handle pregnancy announcements, but when I am around CD1, I just am emotional from hormones AND disappointment, not a good combo. I hope in a week, I can have another good stretch of being happy for people 🙂

  2. I very much identify with your frustration and I actually wrote about it in a recent post. I made some big changes to my FB habits which may sound difficult but I can not tell you much I needed to make them. First, I got rid of people I am not in contact with or do not care about anymore. It ended up being about 70% of my ‘friends’. It is possible that I hurt some people’s feeling but right now, my main focus is my physical and mental health. I am also learning not to care so much about what other people think. It is important to a point but I need to keep it in check. Also, I erased my education and work history. I know this sounds crazy! I figured I can still professionally network through LinkedIn. Also, while I am friends with some people from school, I do not interact with most of them except for the required happy birthday post once a year. This also prevents me from obsessively looking through the profiles of suggested friends to see how they are doing and compare myself to them. This can make me insane and wastes a lot of time. I also got rid of the FB smartphone app. I could not resist instantly checking it as soon as I had a notification. Lastly, I got rid of all the apps and plugin on FB. I still occasionally log on and it is so much better now that I only see the names of people I care about. I know you said you took a break but FB has been pushing you to get back online. I set my options up to email me as infrequently as possible (only for notifications that I have been tagged which will not show up until I approve it) and the address they have is my junk email address so I never read these emails. I am pretty sure you can change your options to prevent email and message friend updates but FBs settings are confusing and I swear that sometimes they change on their own! All I ever look at now is my newsfeed on occasion to see how people are doing. I also like to occasionally share pictures. My friends now know to email me (to my primary email address) as opposed to sending me a message on FB. I know everyone is different but all of this helped me out a lot.
    Just FYI, here is a link to where I previously wrote about it just if you are curious 🙂
    http://becomingnutritionliterate.wordpress.com/2014/01/25/being-selfish/
    I am sorry you had a shitty day and I hope things get better! For me it seams that the more I struggle with infertility, the more determined the world is to remind me how easy it is for other people to get pregnant, Sometimes I just want to live in a bubble.

    • Thanks! I agree that sometimes you just want to be in a bubble! I don’t ever go into Facebook so usually I don’t get bothered by it, but its when FB starts sending me random emails is when I draw the line! I should just start having my husband check my email around CD 1… 🙂

  3. Hang in there! By the end I had unfriended a bunch of people because I couldn’t take hearing about their pregnancy or worse those who had gotten pregnant after we started trying and had now delivered their babies. Do what you need to do to get by. Hugs!

      • You can always just change your settings to “hide” their posts. I do that now for people who just annoy me lol. After I finally conceived I added most of the people back with some lame excuse that I deleted them by accident (wrong Laura etc) :-p

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